Today was the first time in YEARS, make that YEARS and YEARS that I haven't had to send anyone off to school or drive them there. With any luck at all, Breezy will have her driver's license soon and will be able to drive her own self to her own first day of college....with me worrying every time the phone rings......for six months, then not being prepared for the day it actually does ring and she is crying and been in an accident. That has happened to me no less than....nine times. Maybe 10 if you count the time Shanna called me about her boy friend in the accident and the warrant for his arrest--mistake and I had to go provide money to bail him out of jail...which I never saw back, by the way. It includes four totaled cars. My nerves get bad just thinking about it all. Well, anyway, at least 29 years of sending kids off to school just came to an end. I'll still be getting Austin off and picking him up and maybe even Talon, but that hasn't started yet.
Back to the doctor's appt. My weight was not good, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I am not shrinking, as thanks to the 3/4 inch of my flip flops I was even 3/4 of an inch taller than usual. My blood pressure wasn't as low as usual....makes me think I should start getting into better shape before it sky rockets up there and I stroke out, or something.
Little Bud is dying. He is the little dog that I found while taking Breezy to preschool years ago. I saw him, and thought what a really ugly little dog he was, and was getting in our old Toyota mini-van to drive away. I heard my dad's voice clear as a bell chastening me: "Sandra, didn't I teach you anything?" He wanted me to rescue the dog. The preschool teachers had told me he'd been there at the church for a few days, and they had thrown graham crackers to him, as he wouldn't get near enough for anyone to pick him up. I was thinking of that as I watched him looking at me from the little grassy hill he was laying on. "Fine, Dad," I thought--I'll go try to get the ugly little dog, then. I figured he'd run away and that would be the end of that. Well, I was able to pick him up, and he just shook in my arms. I took him home not wanting to keep him at first. We had our best dog every, Alex, the Rottie and he was SO excited! It was like I had brought him a little brother, or something. At first, Little Bud, as he came to be known by, as he was Alex's little Buddy--was afraid of Alex and stayed up on the top of the sofa, but he soon came to see that Alex was no threat and they became fast friends.
Alex died of cancer when he was just 6 1/2 years old. It was very sad indeed.
Every time Mike comes home on leave, about the first thing he says is, "There is Little Bud," and he pets him and laughs and says he can't believe he is still here. I don't think Mike is ever going to see him again. Little Bud is going down hill very fast and today, I couldn't get him to even drink any water. W offered to take him in to the vet. Actually, he said we could, but I just wasn't up to it. I washed up his very smelly cushions he loves to lay on...put him back on them, and not very long, he peed all over one of them, so I am washing it again.
The other dogs sniff him and lick him just a bit, and there is almost a reverence in the way they are quiet around him.
In my world, things are changing. I had a little elderly, long-lifed lovebird, Fudgie, die this summer. Soon, Little Bud will be gone. I am no longer a mother of school age children. I am growing older myself. Sad time of reflection for me. I handled it like I always do--with food. Just had a frosted brownie from Chic-Fil-A. I guess if I could change one thing, I wish I was one of those people who can't eat when stressed and just get skinnier and skinnier. Not me--can't get enough chocolate, fat and sugar in times of sadness and loss. I am certain times will get better as they do. For now, for many reasons, I'm just kind of heavy-hearted. So glad I have had such wonderful children, and grandchildren to carry on with life. I'm glad they all love animals and are kind to them and caring, the way my father raised me to be. Maybe that quote is right because of our children and their children. They are the circle in our life, so that the more things change, because of our family, the more things stay the same.
Love you Mom!
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